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Drowning The Pain by CrumbledWings Drowning The Pain by CrumbledWings

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If you don't understand, the beginning paragraph use two famous cocktails "Three Wise Men" and "Bloody Mary". I would have used more but very few drinks have helpful (for poetry) or somber names like these two. The awesome cover image was done by ~onesummerago . I wrote this to show the somber and depressing side of drinking. The rhyme scheme isn't the best I've ever had , and I did a bunch of bad slant rhymes but i sincerely hope everyone enjoys and someone give me a critique!!
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First off, I really like the use of rhyme and slant rhyme here. It's hard to find good form poetry on this site, but I think you've done justice to an under-used art form. :highfive:

Absolutely beautiful imagery in the first lines; the Biblical imagery was good, and it shows how the speaker is starting to lose his grasp on reality. The recurring theme of the reflection in the bottom of the glass is evocative and heart-breaking - I want the speaker to find a different face, but we all know that he won't. Good job with rhyme and rhythm here - it takes hard work to write good form poetry, and it's even harder when the poem can so easily dissolve into free verse. From one poet to another: good work!

I'm submitting this to my poetry group and sending you an invitation; I hope you accept.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

being a recovering alcoholic myself, this poem holds a distinct and powerful message for me. i remember nights of feeling the exact emotions you bring into play with your words. im a big fan of using short lines in poetry, and i believe the way your lines play out make it feel like every line leaves room to take another drink.

the ending gave me pause for a few minutes, but i took it to mean that you would rather be a fool that was able to stop drinking, as opposed to being a drunk fool.

the dying in bliss part was especially powerful to me. i know a lot of people who thought that dying under the influences of alcohol was the best thing they could manage in their lives. it takes a hard look at one's life to realize that is not even close to a good solution. but it fits so well into the thought process of the poem, and we have all been there at some point or another.

your whole poem is very powerfully written, and shows a side of drinking that the commercials seem to forget to advertise. congrats, and keep on writing.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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Cocolena Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Student Writer
so awesome! i love it :p
Lilithmae1231 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow; the imagery and emotions you evoke with your words is really quite powerful. I really liked this.
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Student Writer
Need a hug?
authorofthings Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
this is nice
Y-O-D-H Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is good.

I've found that when writing about the darker base emotions, disregarding rhyme entirely helps to convey the rawness of the state.
hallosse Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Student General Artist
Very good.
DragonTamerDave Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is good. you know how to write about the subjects. Good job.
Ganjamira Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
A stunniong<atmospheric work!
Its wonderfull how you mamnaged it to let it seem so depressing and yet using bright primary colours!
The lighting in this is gorgeous. The green, orange and yellow spots centre the focus on the bar, the only spot in the picture the people seem to communicate - a wonderfull detail!
The floor of the whole room seems to be a open black abyss, as the figures would fall forever if they would leave their seats.

All in one: I´m not very interested in modern art, but this piece of art is amazing and has the charisma of an masterpiece!
TheAmericanRealist Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Student Writer
Er, the artwork isn't his. Apparently it was done by: [link]
The poem on the other hand was his.
Ganjamira Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
O.o It isn´t even the artwork I first commented to! The pic is changed now, my comment was related to a surreal oil-painting what seems was the first cover on this.
Thanks me!^^
CrimsonShards Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is really good.
camilah Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
I love poems.
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Submitted on
March 7, 2013
File Size
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