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I've No Talent For HappinessI've no talent for happiness
My smiles are frail at best
And though I try to remember
A time when I felt truly blessed
And no matter how I try
There are always times
When I can't help but cry,
Though even as they fall
I try to cradle the tears
To see if I can find
Happiness beneath the fears
In these delicate crystals
Of hopeless memories...
But I've no talent for happiness
My heart never wholly mends
And though I dove so far
Dove until I reached the end
Of that vat of tears and miseries
I found only
More tears left to cry...
I've no talent for happiness
My soul cries endless seas
In which I try to drown
Myself and my memories,
But I think I once had it
The bliss you call happiness
And every now and then
I feel it
Rise to greet you
And attempt to shine
From beneath my tears
So that you may know the truth
Of how you make me feel.
So I've no talent for happiness
My memories sometimes choke me
My hearts never wholly mends
I Asked Of ItI did not ask for it
It came to me in a swelling torrent
of effervescent vibrancy
blinding all which entered
to its hidden horrors.
However, that's a truth
I would come to learn
for I was not born wise
and was gifted with the curse
In my purity I a
Some Words Hold HeartsThere are some words
Many words ,in fact,
That aren't meant to be read
By an audience.
That aren't meant to be condemned
For their validity and originality.
There are some words
Who's only point is to exist.
To give existence
To show someone their pain is real
That its important.
Their anger is real
That its just.
Their love is real
That's its true.
Their hearts are real
That they 're whole...
Even if no one else sees them that way
Even if no else knows them that way
Even if no one understands
Or reads those words.
Those words hold our hearts
And that's all their meant to do.
Wilted LullabiesOh flower why hello...
I didn't see you there
In the world so far below
I could barely even hear
Your screams of pain
Such wilted lullabies
Oh flower so far below me
Why do you cry?
Oh flower below
Hush your little leaves
How hard it hurts me so
To hear your petals scream
Tell me what to do
That's all I need to know
Please flower let me take you
From the world below.
Oh flower in my world
Are you really there?
Your wilted lullabies
Have turned into despair
Your leaves are now holed
You fall with the winds blow
Flower where can I take you?
There's nowhere left for you to go.
Oh flower leaving my world
Where can you go?
The world has forgotten you
Left you so far below.
And while I couldn't save you
And while I know you must go
Flower I sing your wilted lullabies
So the entire world will know
The pain of a single flower
Left in the world below.
You Gave Me A StarLast night you gave me a star
A resplendent little light
You made it a surprise
Hiding it behind your thumb all night
So I wouldn't notice
The new twinkle
In our night's sky
"Without further ado"
You whispered to me
As you showed me
Our own little island
In a sea of darkness and wonder.
"Make a wish"
you smiled bashfully
"Its your star after all"
And I wished
I wished a million times
On that tiny light
That one day
I might be able to give you
All the stars in our sky.
What can you say?What do you say?
That it was a mistake?
A one-time occurrence,
One in a million chance?
That you're sorry
Like an apology
Is enough to subside their sorrow
Enough to make them forget
That it was your fault?
That someone else
Should be standing at their door.
Do you say
It should have been you
That you wish
You had gone in their place?
But so do they
They wish it more
Than anything in the world.
What do you say
When you look at their disbelief
Watching as the words spilling
From your tongue wash away their smiles?
what do you say
When you see their love
Crash and crumble into grief
Along with their hearts?
What do you say
When you see the anger in their eyes
The pure hatred in them
When they realize that their love is gone
And that you took them away?
What do you say
To the tears
A steady flood of pain
Washing down their face?
What do you say
When they finally ask
"How could this have happened?
Why did you let this happen?"
What do you say?
What can you say?
Could I Send You The StarsCan I send you the stars?
A million twinkling lettters
Waiting above your head each night to be read
In gentle melody like midnight lullabies
For the girl I dearly wish could hear them.
Can I borrow your moon?
I know without it your nights may feel empty
But I envy its lovely radiance shining
Upon those two eyes
I wish I could see wish I could gaze into
So instead could I borrow your Moon?
And gaze into it hoping I'll find the loveliness
Of your eyes there instead.
Could I steal your Sun?
And pocket it's millions
And millions of memories
Of lightly caressing you with its rays
Knowing the feel of every beautifully delicate
Part of you for every day of every year..
Could I lease your dreams?
And reside there with you
Underneath our stars' gentle lullabies
And beneath the Moon's loving gaze
Away from the Sun's prying rays
Since you're all I really need.
So could I send you the stars
And hope they'll send my love too?
All I WantI want someone to talk to
it may not sound like much
but its all I want of you
I want to never be alone
to never be forced to hear
the silent creaks of my home
I want someone to share with me
to give me the pieces of their day
through tiny conversations, and hearty stories
till there's nothing left to say
I want someone to stay with me
on those many cold nights
when the only thing that can keep me warm
are their sweet whispered delights
I want someone
it hardly matters who
to stick with me
and stay with me through
the transgressions of my days
the weaknesses of my soul
and share the same with me
make me feel whole
I want to someone to talk to
someone's whose hand I can clutch
All I want is a true friend
Surely that isn't too much
There Is No Song For MeI once knew a man
no wings to speak of
A man who lost his voice
poor fool thought he could sing
While inhabiting a world
what a sad little world
So filled with noise
it was enough to deafen
The man couldn't help but envy.
Guess you forgot how I sound
So this man out of fear
I can still see his pain
Made his own world
I think I'm to blame
With nothing but silence to hear.
I'm still not ashamed.
I pierced the bubble
In his world
he swatted me away
Sound still found him
still I sang, and sang
How cruel it was
It's sad how fast a man...
how forced he was to fester
...can give up on himself.
In the very sounds he'd lost
"Why have you come to me?"
we're called mockingbirds for a reason
He wrote with his tears
and I laughed as he cried, and I laughed as he cried
Take It All Away.There’s a tear between each smile and a fracture on my heart
And a thousand feelings breaking me and tearing me apart
Knowing when it’s over I may lose my sanity
Embrace the mess I am and the storm inside of me
In the dark I have a chance to fight away my problems
To ignore them all away instead of trying to solve them
All I saw when I looked back was a mass of insecurity
Laying waste to who I am and ripping at the seam
Lowering my already non-existent self-esteem
And I couldn’t help admitting I’m a self-made failure
Walking a broken path as a second-hand savior
And it all adds up to nothing; me in a nutshell
Yanking on the chain that tethers me to hell…
Suicidal Tendenciescourage doesn't come
from the fibers you're
born with. You aren't
brave when you decide
when you wake
up in the bed
smeared with your
own self destruction
and you act as though
you aren't crumbling
into the carpet.
or when you hold
a piece of shrapnel
to your veins and
want to sever every last
one, but you throw it
out the window.
or when you stand
on the sunset
with clouds straddling
your mind and your
whole existence ready
to hurl itself over the
railing, but you limp
home and through the screen
door and pretend to walk
on air again.
That is bravery.
AwayYou used to be afraid to lose me,
so why am I the one that is in pain from your absence?
You used to look at me like I was the only girl you saw,
now I'm just another lost in the crowd.
You used to embrace me like you never wanted to let go,
now you don't come near enough to touch me.
You used to say you loved me,
but I guess that went away.
Social AnxietyA curse is what you are endowed...
Trembling, you stand in front of the crowd
that rudely encourages you to speak loud.
Bravely, your head raises and makes eye contact.
To your sweat glands, this makes an impact,
and you're anxious for your audience to react.
As blackness clouds the edges of your vision,
feeling as if you're about to experience a head-on collision,
dizzily, you bear the worst of each mental incision.
You begin to speak faster, but too soft to hear.
You wish somebody would step in and end this fear.
Each second under their gaze feels like a year.
Suddenly, you forget how to pronouce every word.
Your quiet speech becomes heavily slurred,
and the words on your note card appear to be blurred.
Your heart thumps so hard it shakes your body.
You envision your panic starting to embody,
but this is for the amusement of everybody.
When your speech is over, you sit down.
As you beat yourself up like a king with a broken crown,
you wish, maybe someday, you can come around.
My Mind Is A Graveyard And My Body Is A Scar.There’s constantly something wrong with me
I can’t look in the mirror for fear I’ll see
Another part of me that I can’t let be
I want to cut it out of my soul
And just live with the gaping hole
Take control and choose to lose
The part of my heart where the insides bruised
I didn’t fall; I was caught by the lonely, crushing darkness
Of this I’m sure; it was there more than you ever were
I don’t know why the love I need
Is flowing in the blood I bleed
Yes, I’m confused and, yes, I’m a mess
Frustrations magnified by stress
I don’t know why I pushed so far
New cuts cover where the old ones are
My scars are scarred, my heart’s in shards
I’m breaking down like a house of cards
I fell already blind into decimating blackness
And used what I could find of my heart as target practice
Can't Find JoyI stole the smiles from both of my parent’s faces
The very same one I was responsible for
On the day I was delivered into their arms
In a cloth, from the beak of a black feathered stork
From the very first day with my very first breath
Though I was not able to speak a single word
It was evident as the nurses bowed their heads
That this boy with the dilated pupils was cursed
Everything I’ve ever grown to love and desire
In one way or another I have now destroyed
Yet still I have the temerity to question
Why it is that I can never seem to find joy
I stole the smiles from both of my parent’s faces
I would do anything at all to give them back
But some wicked actions can never be undone
And some statements I have made I cannot retract
Regardless of the depths that I sank or swam to
Whether I was responsible for what was wrong
My lugubrious mood could always be soothed
With memories of the black feathered stork’s bird song
Every page my trembling hand has ever turned
AlcoholicYour tux is the color
of a coal miner’s face
after a long, hard day of work:
something you’ve never
had to experience
Yet you talk as though
you’re just as worn out;
your trivial chit-chat
is turning syrupy with every sip,
although your sentences
aren’t getting any sweeter
And you grab another glass
of the effervescent liquid,
hoping the sea of black
will blend together,
and it will be dark enough
for you to fall asleep
And as you walk tipsily to the bathroom,
the overpaid opera singer
belts her last high note- a bit too high;
your crystal glass shatters
into a thousand pieces
And with it, you shatter too.
An Ode To A SmileOf late there has been something missing
From my visage, my mien and my face
My adult self not able to regain
What it is my childhood has misplaced
The absence has become more apparent
And is there for the assemblage to see
But as it did not happen over night
The origin remains a mystery
Could it be the colour and the tone
Of my sallow skin pigmentation
From too many hours indoors alone
And within my imagination
Perhaps I should pierce my ear and nose
Rebel against a faceless system
Or indeed tattoo text upon my neck
Quoting some so-called ancient wisdom
I could iron out all of the creases
Nip and tuck on my pronounced cheek bones
But this would mean erasing my journey
So I might never find my way home
And none of these things in any case
Will ever change the person that I am
Or influence the mood of the others
Like a timely facial expression can
From limbic system to nerve and muscle
To the countenance conveyed on my face
So complex that even Mona Lisa’s mood
Took over four year
When I Was 13I am just a little boy in a grown man’s shell
Who finds himself lost in a daydream
That my mind manifested one Monday morning
On the cusp of being aged thirteen
Sitting on a plastic chair in a stale classroom
Looking out of the rain lashed window
Thoughts turn to the length of my imagination
And indeed what distance it could go
I was snapped back to reality as always
With my tank topped teacher's booming cry
This was not the first, nor would it be the last time
I would find myself preoccupied
Classmates around me may live their life linear
Like most people who have gone before
But I can’t see the point of a mind’s vast landscape
If I am not going to explore
I am just a little boy in a grown man’s shell
Who’s become lost in a lonely life
For me reality had not been the ruler
But it most certainly had been rife
Sitting on a leather chair in a stale office
Looking out of the sun starved window
My imagination was plotting it's escape
Leaving no clues to where
Genuinely SmilingI test it out in the mirror
The face I want them to see...
The gentle smile
Blesses me falsely
Even to my tear filled eyes,
But I won't let it fall
I try to make it shine more broadly
To be sure they know,
When they finally see me
Gaze into my unseeing eyes
And see the peaceful wonder
Left behind in my smile,
That I'm in someplace
Far better than here
Free of pain.
Someplace that I can genuinely
I want them to see.
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