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Literature by jaredftw

Poetry by HeavensMarshal


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Submitted on
July 12, 2014
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I hate being a writer
yet I love it too
though such ambiguous feelings
cannot be explained so simply... 
I loathe the unsterilized ink
which continually poisons my veins
and pumps from an all too emotional heart
yet when this ink is set free
breathed from my syringe of a quill
I'm assailed by such a breathtaking sense
of relief and release that I forget
and become intoxicated on my own vile.
I abhor my blank eyes
which so incoherently delude me 
as to what is real
that I am faced continually
with the realization that reality 
will never be enough for me
and yet these blank eyes are the same
on which I paint such beautiful fantasies
and experiences which I faithfully adore.
I detest the imagination 
which hosts menial plays with 
unwritten roles and spitfire lines
and asks me to fill the holes 
which it had so easily forgotten
and yet I follow my role in this play
grabbing my shovel each night 
and faithfully working to fill each hole which
the imagination left so lovingly empty for me
and feeling 
as though I'd never worked a day in my life.
And finally I hate the story
the lyrics, the play, the ideals, the plot
which continually entrap and drown me
in their decadence and solitude
unwilling to set me free,
unwilling to let me show my heart and soul
in any colors besides black and white
and to the patient
and yet 
and yet
I love watching every scribble
of my chosen font
flow from my inky veins, hyperbolic heart
empty eyes and detestable imagination
till before me lays a portrait
of black and white
which has become 
the truest image of me.
I thought about making this about all types of artists ( I really did! for those wonderful visual artists who felt jipped) but I found I couldn't accurately describe why you might love and hate your talent because I don't completely understand it and for that I apologize that I couldn't empathize with you all better, though I hope all artists can relate. Look at this as personal declaration of unearned self pity. Hope that I properly displays what other writers feel as well as myself. And sorry if you don't like the language, I felt this one needed some hyperbolic flowery language so I switched styles for this one.
STILL NEED SUPPORT ON WATTPAD HERE:www.wattpad.com/user/CrumbledW…
Add a Comment:
 
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Almost flawless, just change till to 'til (unless of course you're planting a garden. :)  )
Reply
:iconnoratcat:
Noratcat Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014
This so relates to me as a writer.
Reply
:iconmrnuclearpsychopath:
MrNuclearPsychopath Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is the true essence of the relationship between an artist and his art. Stumbling, falling, but you keep rising up again, only to be trampled on once more. But why do you continue?
Because this is who you are and that's who you'll always be. You may be insecure, depressed, mournful, and melancholy, but the way we express these feelings defines us all. Everytime we draw our feelings, our souls are transferred little by little, giving us more hope for each piece we draw. Knowing life will get better. Even those who are succesful, transfer their feelings to each piece to give it mood, and life.
Reply
:iconarianne10:
Arianne10 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Student General Artist
Heart i love it :)
I'm still beginning to write and I can feel some of your lines. :')
Reply
:iconluthien-surion:
luthien-surion Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing. Simply wonderful. 

THIS is how I feel about writing, and art in general. 
Reply
:iconmedusamacabre:
MedusaMacabre Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This. Is. Truly. Wonderful. A masterpiece. There is so much said in these verses and I am not able to put it into words and sentences though I'm a writer, too. I just have to say how lovely this is. You did a great job in that!
Reply
:iconhoshisamavalmor:
HoshisamaValmor Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014
this is really, really well written and puts down in words a whole reality that is so hard to try and describe. 
Reply
:iconvickystrife:
VickyStrife Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It was beautiful and one of the truest text I've ever read^^ I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this...
Reply
:iconphabiannthepoet:
PhabiannThePoet Featured By Owner Edited Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I know them feels sister.
Tomoyo Sakagami (Crying) [V3] 
Reply
:iconcommanderflynn:
CommanderFlynn Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yep, I feel this on so many levels...
the struggle is real for budding writers lately ;_; 
Reply
:iconxanedis:
Xanedis Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014
An accurate and heartfelt tribute to writer's soul. Well done!
Reply
:iconthe-cat-loving-kid:
The-Cat-Loving-Kid Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Amen to this. So true. 
Reply
:icondepressinglyhappy:
Depressinglyhappy Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014
Personally I hate the feeling of ideas clouding up my head but I have putting them down to paper. Unfortunately there's a lot that I can't draw or write simply because of lack of talent.
Anyway I loved your poem. 
Reply
:iconlovablyawkward:
LovablyAwkward Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You aren't alone. Our world is really different from the world of others, it seems. Or perhaps we express our worlds more so than others? So many questions. 
Reply
:icondatcloudkat:
DatCloudKat Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
OMIGOSH YOU HAVE A WATTPAD.... HIGH FIVE, SISTER!
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014
HIGH FIVE XD
Reply
:icondatcloudkat:
DatCloudKat Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yesh!!! XD
Reply
:iconaminatsu032:
Aminatsu032 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful :)
Reply
:iconkaoru-reisaki:
kaoru-reisaki Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Uwoh. 

I love it. :) I like the imageries of “inspiration” or “ideas” that you wrote: “unsterilized ink”. That was deep. And heartfelt! :D
Reply
:iconsurfergirl2015:
Are you a hammer because ya nailed it! Sorry I know horrible joke but seriously I felt after reading this that somebody truly understands how any artist works :)
Reply
:iconwritingfornoreason:
WritingForNoReason Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, how I can relate to this.  I always doubt my work, but as they say, " You're your own worst critic. " No matter the sheer amount of compliments
I get, I can't bring myself to admit I did a good job. However, maybe that's why we keep doing art. The mixed feeling of emotions is intoxicating
 with the frustration, the self doubt, the relief you feel when you finish your masterpiece. It makes art an experience rather than just something you
do when you're bored. Yeah, I'm reading kinda far into this, but anyway, real nice job. :)
Reply
:iconsworderella2:
sworderella2 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
This is gorgeous. It's a very accurate depiction of how a writer actually feels. XD 
Reply
:icondrake-fighter-0127:
drake-fighter-0127 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love this
Reply
:iconawkwardcoffee:
AwKwardCoFfee Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
This is amazing! Agh, it describes my feelings so well!
Reply
:iconthesagalink:
TheSagaLink Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is exactly what it feels like to be a writer. This is my new theme poem.
Reply
:iconruntofthelitter:
RuntOfTheLitter Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
HELLO! .... WELL 'written' ....

SOMEDAY, it is this OLD man's HOPE to
know HOW to 'write' .... SMILES ....

In the meantime, he just puts his feeble thoughts into words ....

My BEST to you and yours,

ROTL
Reply
:iconcloverholly:
cloverholly Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
yesss :)
Reply
:iconflightfan:
FlightFan Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful piece and I think you nailed it. It's a love/hate relationship. My imagination is running wild especially on the bus on my way to work. It fills me to the point of bursting and then I have to write things down but since I can't, I put it on hold. When the Muse possesses me and let things flow, it's such a release but when She disappears, it's pure agony. And then I write and I write, hoping the readers will be entertained for an hour or two while I know putting this on paper or screen is the fruit of months of efforts. I give birth to my next chapter and the feeling is incredible but then as soon as it's uploaded, it's already gone and I feel empty. And the cycle starts all over again because writing is like a drug and like a junkie, I need that fix.
Reply
:iconhans-traumer:
hans-traumer Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
and you nailed it...writing is an addiction.  I don't like the words but the words like me. :-)
Reply
:iconcelsy:
Celsy Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm in loooove~!
Reply
:iconlinalestrangeart:
LinaLestrangeArt Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Student General Artist
How beautiful and sublime is your poem, artists...! Clap 
Reply
:iconhalfloner:
Halfloner Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Student Writer
I'm so glad you made the struggle of writing so relatable, now I can show this to people who don't understand. Thank you.

The last line is what all artists search for in my opinion, that "truest image of me."
Reply
:iconjeifaeklubs:
JeiFaeKlubs Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
Beautifully written, and well captured.
I especially love the section "unwilling to let me show my heart and soul / in any colors besides black and white", since this whole text is the representation of a writer's soul, and I'm sure even non-writers can feel and understand this internal struggle while reading this.
Reply
:iconjonelle-chan:
Jonelle-Chan Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, snap. You done it. I have this trouble sometimes where i want to write, and i want to draw, but i just can't seem to do either. I kind myself trapped in a restless place where i can't seem to do anything good, useful, and all i want to do is make something beautiful, but i can't seem to summon my creativity. Dang, i understand how you may be feeling in this piece.
Nice work. I love the way you string your words together.
Reply
:iconannacstansfield:
AnnaCStansfield Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Professional General Artist
This . . . is incredible. Absolutely incredible. :heart: 
Reply
:iconmagewannabe:
magewannabe Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
my feelings to a T!
Reply
:iconfullmoonsweetie001:
Fullmoonsweetie001 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yup, I love to type my own imagination world. Fanfiction or original story, doesn't matter. It gives me joy to share with people. But I hate my writings when I read them again and see my mistakes after I submit them, no matter how much I have read them before submitting.









or I'm an idiot XD //shot
Reply
:iconannuski:
Annuski Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Student Writer
I live this =). I totally feel you captured a central part of being an author
Reply
:iconsnowflower--chan00:
Snowflower--Chan00 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014   Writer
My thoughts exactly, lately I've been hating my KH3 crossover story. (sighs) What happened to people getting interested in exploring new stories? (Like MINE) :chainsaw: Two of Yuko's servants (one of them is my character and the other is Watanuki along with White Mokona) are going to enter Kuroshitsuji (manga) (I will be following it from the start of the Noah's arc Circus) Lack of reviews and people's interest has worked its aggravating toll on me. 
Reply
:iconsome1eleven:
some1eleven Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
Thanks Goodness I'm just an author, then :|

What kind of support do you need? :aww:
Reply
:iconraptorkil:
raptorkil Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
:heart: beautiful and relatable, fantastic job
Reply
:iconqqi25:
QQI25 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is a really amazing piece. I know the feeling well.
Reply
:iconcrazymai:
CrazyMai Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Student Writer
Beautiful ♥ I know this feeling as well..
Reply
:iconwhat-if-writer:
What-if-Writer Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
Brilliance.
Reply
:iconleah084:
Leah084 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
wowwww I loved this....the last lines are amazing
Reply
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