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Silently Screaming Your Name by CrumbledWings Silently Screaming Your Name by CrumbledWings

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Alright i Cannot find a cover that is remotely good except for one to which the author gave explicit orders not to use without their permission so i gotta wait for that so for now i'll just use mthis awesomely sad photo (which i did NOT create) but ~JollyPen did create and it looks absolutely beautiful (please visit the page) . This poem was originally inspired by the idea of .... kno wwhat i have no idea i just put the words "i'm a ghost" and started writing. Hope everyone likes.
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:iconmarionettevignette:
MarionetteVignette Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
oh man... the parallel verb phrases gave me the chills

excellent excellent again. Your poems really touch me and control my emotions so well.
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:iconsumarlegur:
sumarlegur Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You need to watch out for proper grammar when you write. It's a terrible sign when a writer doesn't pay attention to the most important thing about writing.

Every time you act like you don’t see
I’m ghost


a ghost?

When your memory is all that’s keeping me sane
From I’m a ghost


for I'm a ghost?

But can a ghost die,
From I’ve been killed before
Under your covered eyes.


"from" again, instead of "for".

Yet why, for every time you ignore my memory
Does it feel like its breaking?


it's breaking.

etc.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ummmmmm you a grammar nazi ain't you.
damn i think i'm under siege. I have always had trouble with grammar. You should see how many green lines their are in the books in write on word. I'm good with words not apostrophes ;P
Did you at least like this one better?
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:iconsumarlegur:
sumarlegur Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm kind of a grammar nazi, yes. It's one thing to have some typos while texting or IMing someone, but to show poor grammar in literature should be a felony. If you see so many green lines when you're writing on Word, why not fix them?

I did enjoy this poem a bit more, yes, but your work is just not for me.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
really, hmmm too bad. And i get so involved in writing the words i forget about "proper grammar" sometimes i even forget a couple words ;P
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
this was dreamy mystical and morbid; beautiful! The theme of dying because one lost a boyfriend/girlfriend seems a little cliche, maybe try making it more mystical why the person turned into a ghost too, please don't take this personal it's just my opinion.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
oh i don't mind a bit of constructive criticism but to be truthful, i meant the ghost ideal to be more metaphorical. either way as long az you enjoyed it i'm happy
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome :)
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:iconschpeglar:
Schpeglar Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
somebody should write music for this lyrics
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:iconkillerclown58:
Killerclown58 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist
Beautiful:)
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:iconamillionmilesofbookz:
This was absolutely amazing.With what I just read, it doesn't surprise me that I saw it on the front page. When I get the chance, I'll make sure to check out more of your work!
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:iconfierarosette:
FieraRosette Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think that JollyPen's pic works quite well with what you were trying to get across. I love the way you used a "ghost" as a metaphor within your writing. Very powerful and relate-able for many people. There is a time when you are not heard but feel the need to be. Ignored even though you try to tell them and they just act as though you are really annoying or not there. Sad but many have these experiences and feelings. Very commendable to reaching out to those people.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Thank you from viewing my poem and that apt synopsis of its meaning. i hope your willing to read more of my works in the future
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:icondeirdre16:
Deirdre16 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is beautiful, is it strange that as I read it it started playing as a song in my head?
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
No i think that's awesome
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:icondeirdre16:
Deirdre16 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It makes quite a beautiful song as well.
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:iconcolorfreaksf:
colorfreaksf Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student
This is really pretty
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:iconnellie455:
Nellie455 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That pure awesomes!
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:iconyekta2012:
yekta2012 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Awesome
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:iconpearl-whisper:
pearl-whisper Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
very relate-able . :)
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:iconkikijimenez:
KikiJimenez Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student General Artist
Very beautiful, must like! :D
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:iconangrboda555:
angrboda555 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
I like this great emotion, but I have to ask is he saying that he's a ghost for real or just metaphorical? either way it has great emotion in it ^^
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
glad u liked it ;) and i'd guess its metaphorical (of course who knows)
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:iconangrboda555:
angrboda555 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
hmm I see...I like that better someone could relate more to it that way ^^
hey how's your other poem coming out? I'm really excited about that one
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
ehhhhh its hit some rocks in development. overly repititive, resonate less than i expected and its too short (becuase i cant think of a bunch of lines) but by the end of the weekend i think i can have it fixed
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:iconangrboda555:
angrboda555 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
aww I hope so
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
:D i'm glad your so anticipate of my works.
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:iconangrboda555:
angrboda555 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
haha I love a good poem or story ^^
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
good cause i just finished one and its a bit happier than i usually am but i cannot get the artist for the cover image to contact me
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(1 Reply)
:iconpuppyakamaru:
PuppyAkamaru Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
very deep.. thank you for sharing.
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:iconloveless-nights:
Loveless-Nights Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
That was good, but I would've used more striking words... just me
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
alright thanks for looking at the poem and everything but i find it unbelievably insulting when someone says something like (oh you did good, but i could do much better) and i'm sure you would too. next time please just stop at that was good
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:iconloveless-nights:
Loveless-Nights Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Okay first of, I never said that I could do it better. You are just getting offended over nothing. I was giving constructive criticism. Not saying I could do a better job. I think you did a fine job, but your response was just unreasonable back. I get people saying that about my work all the time and I just try to improve myself. Learn to take advice, it was only to benefit you
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
i dont mind advice but your wording quite literally said i did good but you wold have done it better. now if that is not what you meant i apologize and say thanks for the advice
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:iconwannabemyawho:
WannabeMyawho Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Beautiful
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:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Professional General Artist
Very sad. A few grammatical errors (I think you forgot an 'a' and switched for with from) but otherwise it was a really lovely piece. Nice work.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
oh yeah i have hirrible grammar when i type (case in point) but i'm glad you liked the piece
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:icondragondevout:
dragondevout Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student General Artist
Very emotional, good job :)
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