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November 22, 2012
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Silently Screaming Your Name by CrumbledWings Silently Screaming Your Name by CrumbledWings

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Alright i Cannot find a cover that is remotely good except for one to which the author gave explicit orders not to use without their permission so i gotta wait for that so for now i'll just use mthis awesomely sad photo (which i did NOT create) but ~JollyPen did create and it looks absolutely beautiful (please visit the page) . This poem was originally inspired by the idea of .... kno wwhat i have no idea i just put the words "i'm a ghost" and started writing. Hope everyone likes.
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:iconmarionettevignette:
MarionetteVignette Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
oh man... the parallel verb phrases gave me the chills

excellent excellent again. Your poems really touch me and control my emotions so well.
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:iconsumarlegur:
sumarlegur Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You need to watch out for proper grammar when you write. It's a terrible sign when a writer doesn't pay attention to the most important thing about writing.

Every time you act like you don’t see
I’m ghost


a ghost?

When your memory is all that’s keeping me sane
From I’m a ghost


for I'm a ghost?

But can a ghost die,
From I’ve been killed before
Under your covered eyes.


"from" again, instead of "for".

Yet why, for every time you ignore my memory
Does it feel like its breaking?


it's breaking.

etc.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ummmmmm you a grammar nazi ain't you.
damn i think i'm under siege. I have always had trouble with grammar. You should see how many green lines their are in the books in write on word. I'm good with words not apostrophes ;P
Did you at least like this one better?
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:iconsumarlegur:
sumarlegur Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm kind of a grammar nazi, yes. It's one thing to have some typos while texting or IMing someone, but to show poor grammar in literature should be a felony. If you see so many green lines when you're writing on Word, why not fix them?

I did enjoy this poem a bit more, yes, but your work is just not for me.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
really, hmmm too bad. And i get so involved in writing the words i forget about "proper grammar" sometimes i even forget a couple words ;P
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
this was dreamy mystical and morbid; beautiful! The theme of dying because one lost a boyfriend/girlfriend seems a little cliche, maybe try making it more mystical why the person turned into a ghost too, please don't take this personal it's just my opinion.
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
oh i don't mind a bit of constructive criticism but to be truthful, i meant the ghost ideal to be more metaphorical. either way as long az you enjoyed it i'm happy
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:iconroselynedwards:
roselynedwards Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome :)
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:iconschpeglar:
Schpeglar Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
somebody should write music for this lyrics
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:iconkillerclown58:
Killerclown58 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist
Beautiful:)
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