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Bag Of DreamsI once knew a boy
Who carried his dreams on his back
And kept them together
In a burlap sack,
Which he hoisted
Usually in the same way
That he came,
With a bag full of dreams
A back full of pain
And with nowhere left to stay.
Though so small
carried it all
Without a single complaint,
While his legs seemed to stall
And continually tried to fall
At every bump in the road.
But on the boy walked
He could not be stopped
On his quest to keep his dreams.
So to help him along
I sang him a song
And so sweet
It became a lullaby
And slowly shut his eyes
So he could finally go to sleep.
And while he slept on the ground
I made not a sound
While I approached the burlap sack,
I made small tear
So some dreams
Could escape, if they dare.
I just wanted to help
That bag was too heavy
For any boy to wear.
I knew this
This I did.
So when he awoke
And started to choke
As he realized
That his dreams were gone
They had long since died,
I've No Talent For HappinessI've no talent for happiness
My smiles are frail at best
And though I try to remember
A time when I felt truly blessed
And no matter how I try
There are always times
When I can't help but cry,
Though even as they fall
I try to cradle the tears
To see if I can find
Happiness beneath the fears
In these delicate crystals
Of hopeless memories...
But I've no talent for happiness
My heart never wholly mends
And though I dove so far
Dove until I reached the end
Of that vat of tears and miseries
I found only
More tears left to cry...
I've no talent for happiness
My soul cries endless seas
In which I try to drown
Myself and my memories,
But I think I once had it
The bliss you call happiness
And every now and then
I feel it
Rise to greet you
And attempt to shine
From beneath my tears
So that you may know the truth
Of how you make me feel.
So I've no talent for happiness
My memories sometimes choke me
My hearts never wholly mends
Hard to gain.
But easily lost.
The effects will always remain.
Unless we pay the cost.
Instead of abiding by the same
I don't want to be this way.
But I can't help but feel this way.
No matter what you do
Or what comforting words you say.
My over active mind will not allow me to believe it.
My weary blood shot eyes will not allow me to see it.
Even though my attentive heart is able to receive it.
My thoughts and my imagination will corrupt and deceive it.
And that's why no matter how much I love you.
For some reason I will always feel cheated.
So please don't blame yourself because you have done more than enough.
You have proven yourself and have provided me with so much love.
There are only so many false accusations you can take.
There are only so many false promises I can make.
There are only so many times I can make that same mistake.
Until I foolishly recognize what is actually at stake.
How long will you have to accommodate my insecurities?
How long will it take for me to completely trust you?
Until you begin questioning my emotional maturity.
There are only so many times I can say "I a
ProfaneFlames running over my body,
burning vividly my skin.
Your devilish hands and tongue
covering my whole being with sin.
In vain, I attempt some resistance...
How can your touch be so profane?
I surrender to your treacheries, and
like a prayer, repeat your name.
There's no longer any purity in me,
and corruption becomes my elation,
Still, every time we're close like this
is when I really believe in salvation.
Always- An Absolute jokeAlways.
The bittersweet joke of absolution,
Scrawled across staggered lines.
The thick black ink smirks and comforts,
In the most undefining way.
I find myself stumbling over,
Thick bold letters.
They wear the age so well,
as I have not.
I have turned to what they always were,
Black, as night, as heart, as nothing else,
I am blacker than the darkness I trudge through.
Seeking the punchline.
I'll stammer through the Igazu falls,
And regale the stars in my backyard of how the time has flown.
And of how once upon a time,
The story started with a single word.
My memory will brake,
And gaze across the landmarks I had seen.
And the space between my fingers where the whole world fit
Will always be,
If tomorrow I don't Wake upI wonder what would happen
If I was never to wake up
Would people even care
I wonder if a commotion would erupt
Would anyone even notice
That I wasn't alive
Would my mother even mourn me
Or could she guess that I wouldn't survive
Well I'm still not dead
But I can barely call this living
I feel like a corpse
That hasn't given up on breathing
But I wonder what would happen
If I was actually to die
Would anyone be bothered
Or care enough to cry
Maybe everyone's just used to
Me living like a corpse
So no one would be bothered
Or life change the slightest off of course
But if I would never wake up
There's no way to know what happens the next day
Won't know if people really care about me
But..maybe it's better off that way
Fruitful DecayIn a long-forgotten grove
Where the fruits of folly grow free,
Flowing with the juices of lust
And self-indulgent vanity.
The trunks are crimson-stain'd
By bloodshed of wars gone past
That left the kingdoms desolate
At the hands of relentless wrath.
Twisted by ambition and greed
Their arrogant wills bore envy's seed
And when their plots finally flowered
They were consumed in those final hours
And as the nations fell to ruin,
The heavens too began to rot away;
Leaves descend onto the forsaken world,
Trapped in the birthplace of moral decay.
Post MortemI am a walking, talking universe of dead poets
who tattoo their stanzas into my flesh
with ghostly, typewriter fingers.
I live and breathe their worldly disasters
like a nicotine addiction I've never had.
Drowning in their scribbles
I kiss their shoreline romances,
envy their Annabel Lee's,
& carry their hearts in my heart.
I am 7am coffee on Sunday mornings:
a half drunk, hungover limerick
waiting to happen.
I am jealousy:
nothing more than weak words,
& a tongue-tied cliche-
but death becomes me.
Leave Me StandingSteal away my happiness,
These actions of your sin.
Bite your words into my flesh,
Scar my trembling skin.
This purpose of despising love,
Makes my pulse pound no more.
My heart turns eternally black,
Filled full of hate, guilt, and sore.
A mess you've made of my mind,
Turns me into something I'm not.
Something I hated,and wished not to be,
Those painful memories I forgot.
Record each precious moment,
And play them back inside my head.
I'll Weep till dawn turns to dusk,
And try not to end up dead.
Leave me standing...
So please, hold me in your arms
Drag me from all this harm
Pull me into an embraceable cage
Confused and screaming in a saddened rage.
Pain explodes into my eyes.
Holding in the tears, threatening to cry.
No need to feel my pain.
It would just make you become more vain.
Your life punctured
And trapped forever
A soul pleading to escape
Satan's idea of pleasure
Each day it hits you
Bites away more and more
Before you let yourself fall upon the floor.
It's just an
You don't need to...The voices shout and holler
I'm stuck listening to them all
Holding in the tears that threatens
My nails are in deep, bringing something red
I choke when the footsteps are near
But between them and I, You appear
Your back stands tall, a voice commanding
And the tears win as they're rolling
They slap You hard, kick You down
Nonetheless You stay still, no frown.
I stay silent, trying to stand too
But what to say, I have no clue
When we're alone, I'm so mean, so cruel
You smile at me, but I'm no fool
I know You're shattered and in pain
Though You stay, what's to gain?
My prayers seem empty for me and You
Things can go bad, so easy to rue
The hatred can spread towards me
That I know, I'm something You hate to be
Fact is though, You're still here
And if it's me holding You near
I'll break that unseen chain
For the freedom You want to obtain
This haunting, these anger, is not Your home
Listen to me now, if only once, see this poem
Go, go run away to a place you want, find your keys
(nothing)Sitting on this bus,
I know that I am distinctly
I am the absence of this bus,
and the other passengers
There is some sort
of truth to this;
some sort of credence
that I can't
place my hands on.
(I am not the paper, only the folds
made by my fingers.
I am not the blankets,
only the indent left behind.
I am not the rain,
only the dry spots
marking the pavement.)
Even when I'm standing still,
I am not the air.
(I can only hold it in.)
Tomorrow won't be remembered.Some days I just want to write.
Write but no words come out.
Those jumbled thoughts won't make it to words.
How am I supposed to explain myself
when all I can give is silence and stutters.
Other times I just want to scream.
Scream from the frustration of the words
stuck in my already cluttered head.
Sometimes it makes me want to fall.
Fall away to another world where only
made up dreams come alive and
those words are forever forgotten.
Or maybe even disappear
because sometimes invisible people
have lives to live too.
They say I'm crazy.
because these fucking words don't make sense.
and to me, that's okay.
I'll just dream away my life anyways.
Tomorrow will not be remembered.
We are only made up words stuck inside our heads.
Only sometimes do they come out.
Husband and Wife Supposed To For LifeIf there is a place where you know you will go
Keep some seat for me
Like the flowers you bring home
Keep me a seat--
And don't let it go.
If God wants to grab you
Snatch you out of my life
I guess He can have you
He's more than your wife
But if you have any say
In the matter of dying
Please ask Him to leave you
And please keep on trying
If the doctor is guarding
Your heart beat and soul
Tell her to stay there
Don't let her let you go
And if you have any personal
Stake in staying with me
Please love, come give it
Let us just be
If something else snatches
You out of the dark
Rail hard against it
Like fire from a spark
Lover don't leave me
I can't take goodbye
From the person I cling to
On whose shoulder I cry
Make time, God make time
Don't take my love from me
Do whatever you do
To keep lovers safe
Safe, not apart
God, doctor, you
Don't tear us apart.
Husband and wife
Supposed to for life.
And Don't We All Go To Heaven?your laughter startles from your throat like
a flock of wild swans- careening, laden
birds leaving behind heavy white feathers that
catch themselves in my trachea. my eyes are dark
with intentions, and your heavy lids are
propped open like doors; letting out the
summer air. your hand moves; a flower petal
opening into place. you've taken no notice,
but i watched your bones rotate under
the skin. they lie parallel, and i see the way
your ligament and muscle hug them; tendons
reaching out like spider legs, sinuous and
taught as cello strings. i heard the sound
that pulled away from them as you flexed
and relaxed; a slow sonorous melody. blue-glass
veins branch and curve under your wrist, cocooning
bundles of nerves. your skin wears beads and
threads like low cut tank tops and
they catch my eye like ravens hoarding bits
of broken glass and shine. my carnivorous laughter
follows after your
It's Just Us and the Birdswe are as pious as
screaming in cathedrals and witches' chimneys alike because
who's to tell us that they're not the same,
dear? we can only hope to be
innocent enough for the chimney sweeps;
for we aren't in the safety of the tree branches
our swift-beating hearts framed in
skeletal promises are fragile
as summer flowers after
caught up in
the embodiment of inconviction-
we will always be torn between
up and down
[yes and no
right or wrong?]
and forever try to
despite us being
two long stomachs for
eating and shitting,
we've still embraced ourselves
that's a miracle that can't be bought at any price
we're alive, but
whose bullet flies faster,
theirs or ours?
we just don't have the required muscle to survive in the cold
so find a way to make i
Isolation.You began walking,
expecting me to follow...
but I'm still hung up on the past.
Did you even realize I wasn't by your side?
Or maybe you just didn't care.
I'm still here -
I've not moved an inch.
Which one of us is lonely?
even then(exhausted by shame)even then
(exhausted by shame)
i felt the pull
(the undeniable grasp)
of my other self
following the rain through
narrow prison windows
to fill the ravine of my mind
with the color of your skin
lead my blood to my hands
(lead your name to my lips)
"if i am a criminal
(as all who live are)
remove my reflection
stain my skin grey as time
do all within the reach of justice
(lifeless words carved on stone)
to tear away my tongue
and murder my protestations
on the concrete floor
i still bleed red"
and behind the exhaustion of my eyes
my greener self
(beyond the mysterious, infinite
Suck It UpI really don't have the time
For your incessant babbling
You bury me in petty words
And to be honest it's maddening
Instead of lying on the ground
Stand the fuck up and look around
Take a good hard look at your life
Then take a moment to comprehend
Put yourself in your own shoes
Before my sanity you finally rend
I don't exist to walk you through
My world doesn't revolve around you
For once please fix your own problems
Wipe the fake blood out of your eyes
And take just one small step forward
Please take a moment to rationalize
Stop acting like you're a child
You'll die alone in this world so wild
This world is not a friendly place
Don't whine every time things don't go right
Suck it up and keep living life
Very few care if you sleep at night
Instead of clinging to what's wrong
Get off your ass and just move along
If you try things just might actually change
Sitting around won't help you at all
Effort tends to influence things
Why turn a cold breeze into a squall
Nobody gets far in life
BeautifulI felt beautiful today.
I didn't straighten my hair,
And I didn't put on makeup.
I closed my white blinds and let
The light shine through
For a fresh background.
I stole my fathers camera,
Turned on my iPod, and began to dance.
I held it away and smiled,
Letting the -click- of the shutters
Blend with the music, forming its own beat.
I grinned and twirled in one of my sister's dresses,
Not giving a care should she walk in.
I laughed and fiddled with my hair,
I was coy and shy and natural.
I shed my shell of T-Shirts and jeans,
And let myseelf be free.
I look at the pictures I had taken and said,
Oh- there you are.
I've been looking for you.