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Why does a moth fly
Directly into the flame?
Perhaps its captivated
By the beauty to be found
In such pure recreation
Or perhaps
It flies so surely
Into its own death
Because it believes
The flames of rebirth
Will allow it a second chance
At metamorphosis,
And perhaps that this time...
It will appear a butterfly.
Perhaps this is the only thing
It can force itself to believe
While it burns.
I thought of this three months ago and i just now finished the thought. Talk about perseverance. Ok so everyone plzzz favorrite this T.T i haven't been on the cover in two months. I know its selfish to ask but the continual failures are killing my confidence. and if u dont favorite at least comment so i know what im doing wrong.
Hope everyone enjoys :D

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:iconturtlesensei:
TurtleSensei Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Also, to the previous comments mentioning the punctuation, I don't feel that you need it at all. The sentences themselves punctuate the thoughts by the fact that you separate them. I too, write thus way and people often critique my style, but I feel that it gives the poem a uniqueness that cannot be replicated. Keep writing in your own style and don't let anyone change you! If you ever publish a collection, I would love to purchase it!
Reply
:iconturtlesensei:
TurtleSensei Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have often wondered that too about moths too. I actually wrote a poem called "Like a Moth to a Flame" a few years back! That line has always captivated my mind
Reply
:iconjeffreyrebowlski:
JeffreyRebowlski Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'd like to think that we're all sort of moths drawn to an idea, only for it to consume us. 
Reply
:icondelta-13:
Delta-13 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there! I am commenting on this piece of literature on the behalf of PowerfulWriting. First off, I will preface this by admitting that I don't know much about poetry, so my comments on form might not be as useful, but hopefully you'll find something that I write helpful.

First, I will say that I like the concept of this poem. I really like how you play with reincarnation, but the poem seems to end on a mocking tone almost. It's almost like you're laughing at the moth for even thinking it could be reborn. It is simple a made-up belief so it can survive the fire. I really like how the poem progresses and I think you have a create concept here. My favorite lines are: "Perhaps this is the only thing/It can force itself to believe/While it burns."

However, I have to agree with a previous comment. I think the breaks are a little choppy and interrupts the flow of the poem. It might flow better if you were able to combine some lines put the emphasis on some of the more important words. Another thing that kind of tripped me up was the lack of punctuation. This might be me, but I read the entire poem without any mental pauses and it was kind of dizzying. It somehow rushes the piece and i think there should be some moments in this poem where the reader can breath an reflect on some of the great lines you've written.

Of course, those are just suggestions. Do with them what you will. I really like the poem and I think you've got some deep ideas here. Good job! ^_^
Reply
:iconwiggle16:
Wiggle16 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Super inspirational! 
Reply
:iconbonbonbomb:
BonBonBomb Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Student General Artist
Wow! This is really awesome!!!
Reply
:iconrufusmisser:
RufusMisser Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
amazing!!!!Clapping Pony Icon - Princess Luna Clapping Pony Icon - Twilight Sparkle 
Reply
:iconmeme2mimi:
Meme2Mimi Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a really nice perception in poetic form you've doneNod 
Reply
:iconlegolaspanther:
LegolasPanther Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
~Greetings~

I really do love this poem, as its vision is fantastic and amazing. It offers so much to see and feel about the moth flying and changing both at once. The thoughts on it are both genuine and unique, which expresses its originality and impact. This poem is expressive and story-like in its perspectives. What I also appreciated was the questioning nature that you provided in the poem. However, there are a couple of things that need to be worked on.

I am going to focus on technique. The poem over-all is good as a nonce stanza, but that is not my focus on the reason for the low points. I see that you have added some punctuation in some areas, but there are other areas that could do with some more added. Such as, a period would do at the end of 'recreation' for example. There is a definite balance between too little or too much punctuation, just so you know.

In Summation, this is a very well done poem and I hope you continue to write like you do!

Sincerely

~Legolas


Vision 5/5
Originality 5/5
Technique 3.5/5
Impact 5/5
Reply
:icondeviantart074:
Deviantart074 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
Really Nice Creation of a poetic thought...!
Reply
:iconsmashernova:
SmasherNova Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Student
Awesome! This rolled pretty well :)
The line 'It will appear a butterfly' reminds me of reincarnation.
Reply
:iconarirish:
ARIrish Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
While some poets do so as a stylistic choice, or for a particular effect, it is not necessary - not often advisable - to capitalise every line of your poem; instead you might choose only those lines that represent a break or a new thought/idea.

In the third line you've used 'its' when you should use 'it's' (i.e. 'it is').

Some of your line-breaks bother me a little - you've used so many short lines that the poem seems quite stilted and breathy, like a child who isn't sure when to take in more air.  Is there a reason you've used such short lines all the way through, for example to keep the shape quite regular?  I feel if you connected some of them, or chose different break points (for example to make key words stand out more) it would read more fluidly and cohesively.

Some positives which I liked about the poem: the idea - the metaphor and the development thereof - the imagery, the last 3 lines in particular.

Here's an example of how your poem might look with some of these suggested edits; naturally you're free to hate it and disregard everything I've said, but you did ask for comments regarding what you're 'doing wrong', so these are my thoughts :):


Why does a moth fly
directly into the flame?

Perhaps it's captivated by the beauty
found in such pure recreation;
Or perhaps it flies so surely into
its own death because it believes
the flames of rebirth will allow it
a second chance at metamorphosis,
and that perhaps this time...

It will appear as a butterfly.

Perhaps this is the only thing
it can force itself to believe
while it burns.
Reply
:iconkoeskull:
Koeskull Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Or maybe it's stupid and thinks it's flying towards the sun.
Reply
:iconmagdelene-rose:
Magdelene-Rose Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT THEORY
Reply
:icondtkluvhd:
dtkluvhd Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This somehow scares me. That's why I like it!
Reply
:iconicecream954:
IceCream954 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing! Perfect depth, and the words you chose adds to the feelings! Great job!
Reply
:iconwolfluver65758:
WolfLuver65758 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
very nice
Reply
:iconnicholasname:
NicholasName Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're doing nothing wrong. :D (Big Grin) 
This is perfection en carnate. 
I love the words, the imagery, the rhythm, the structure, 
Excellent Work!
Reply
:icondracoequine:
dracoequine Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A good companion to that is Moff and the Flame by the artist StressedJenny :)... Well written poem
Reply
:iconrebeccalsmith-media:
rebeccalsmith-media Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
great work. the phrase, "like a moth to a flame" is often used to describe an uncontrollable attraction to someone or something and i think it speaks volumes about human emotions and human interaction.... in that sense, we're no different from a moth. we seek the same thing the moth is seeking. whether it be warmth, light, or the excitement of something dangerous. 
Reply
:iconotai-chi:
Otai-Chi Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:') This is some of the most brilliant poetry I've read so far. Wonderfully done! :heart: 
Reply
:iconchiourin:
ChiouRin Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
I really liked the poem too, but if what you call your 'high standard' is defined by the number of front pages you get, then you shouldn't ask for favorites. Because if you do, how do you know people did it because they liked your work? And by the way, I'm afraid people might, just out of protest, not favorite because you asked them to and did not leave the decision up to them. I only speak of my personal feelings here, because I usually don't fav things that I don't REALLY like, and almost never poetry or literature, but when I read your piece I wanted to immediately press 'fav', but then I read the description and the first thing I thought was: well, maybe not...
And it was simply because I am not very known on dA, so logically I don't get a lot of favs or even views for that matter, but I am grateful for every person that does actually look at my stuff, and the greatest thing for me is if they comment. because that is what really tells me what they think, it shows me I touched people with what I wrote. I can't even dream of favs in the double digits, but that's okay, as long as I know there's anyone at all who likes what I am doing.

Sorry for this huge monologue! I just wanted to tell you not to measure yourself on your success or your achievements. I am sure there are enough people here who would agree if I tell you here and now: you are a great writer and you should never doubt your talent!

Okay, I'm done. Sorry again. Loved the poem.
Reply
:iconrobbybabydarkpoet:
robbybabydarkpoet Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
As evidenced by my name, I am a poet myself, and I loved this poem. I loved the idea behind it, and I felt it was expressed very well :) It meant alot to me reading it, actually, as I've gone much rebrith over the past year and a half, particularly towards the end of that time period, and continue to do so.
Reply
:iconafewbraveones:
Afewbraveones Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
These lines are sad yet very beautiful😢😢😢😢😢
Reply
:icontoto-vt:
Toto-vT Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Great! Fire just lends itself to be romanticized, doesn't it?
Reply
:iconforeststone:
Foreststone Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderfully put together and such a magnificent piece, its so lovely :love:
Reply
:iconchive-turkey:
Chive-Turkey Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014

Singed by love's unfriendly flame, he swore to never speak her name...

 

To not be on the front for "two whole months" uhhhh wow, yeah. Since it's obviously no simple feat to earn and feed on such public displays, how do you ever survive? You're either confident or you're not, I seriously doubt dA's random publicities have such a stranglehold on your inspirations. Just sayin.

Maybe the overachieving attitude is what you're doing wrong? Just write it from the heart, then let it land wherever it may.

Reply
:iconshinoochu:
Shinoochu Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
How are you failing? You're an excellent author. You made me want to get off of my duff and get back at it with just this piece alone. I'm jealous. Consider yourself watched!
Reply
:icondieman:
Dieman Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You speak of continual failures; are you familiar with the concept of someone being a "social moth"? The social moth is someone who continually flies directly at "the flame" in an attempt to interact with it, but is instead continually burned.

Contrast with the "social butterfly", who effortlessly dances around it while being unharmed. If you were thinking about that already with your poem, I guess you'd likely understand. The sad truth is that a metamorphosis is the most unlikely transformation; the loss of wings or the ability to fly is the most likely, if not utter destruction.
Reply
:iconthekungfuferret:
theKungFuFerret Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow. just... wow. my mind has been blown.
Reply
:iconthekungfuferret:
theKungFuFerret Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow. just... wow. my mind has been blown.
Reply
:iconchive-turkey:
Chive-Turkey Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
Twice, even.
Reply
:icondragonmyths:
DragonMyths Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautifull though of! I like it :) Instantly fav though :D :heart: :+fav:
Reply
:icontarzok:
Tarzok Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
:clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconmittens150:
mittens150 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Student General Artist
If you want people to favorite this, you should try your best, not plea for it. That is what everyone else here does. But in this case, you shouldn't even ask for people to favorite it, because if you think it is your best work (the only thing you should submit if you want to make the front page or even get favorites) then people will favorite it, so long as the genre and style of poetry is what they like, and hey, you can't please everyone in that category.
Reply
:iconkaizenkitty:
KaizenKitty Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Student Writer
No, no -- this deserves to be on the front page. finally poetry that is not by oaklungs. it seems some people will favorite everything in an artist's gallery if they think the artist good.
Reply
:iconsarcasticgiraffe:
SarcasticGiraffe Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is beautiful
Reply
:icontinwul:
Tinwul Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
This poem is beautiful, I read the first lines and I immediatly wanted to read it all.
But your description puzzled me... Why do you need to be on front cover to gain confidence ? Perhaps answer to that question is more important than the one in your poem.
Anyway, you're talented, that's obvious

Hug
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
Well the answer to that question is easy. To me an author is defined by who likes their work, so the more art lovers on sites such as these that favorite my work, the more like a real artist, i feel more like a real writer. And the easiest way to gain favorites on this site is to reach the cover.
And by the way glad u liked the poem :D
Reply
:iconkaizenkitty:
KaizenKitty Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Student Writer
# of favorites is not always a good estimate of artistic mastery. it also depends a lot on popularity. I know because most of the watchers I have now, were gained not by making good art, but by conversing with people on the forums.
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
true but at the moment its the best i got (i'm not very sociable on the site :D)
Reply
:iconkoimeteria:
Koimeteria Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
While I do really like the poem, and I'm 100% okay for artists/authors asking for feedback, I was pretty put off by your attitude of "If-I'm-not-on-the-front-page-with-every-piece-I'm-a-failure" attitude. My GOSH, be grateful that you got on the front page at all! It seems pretty insulting to all the other people who do wonderful work and somehow never show up on the front page for you to act like that! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by saying this. Your poem is both thought-provoking and interesting, but the attitude you presented isn't very good.
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
:D u didn't hurt my feelings though I understand why some might feel insulted by statement, its just i set myself to a standard I like to keep and one of those standards is at least get on the cover once a month. Its not me being cocky or looking down on others, its the way i support  my own confidence in my work, the way is assert (to myself at least) that i am a good writer.  I understand y some might feel insulted but its just the way ive groomed myself on the site.
Reply
:iconkoimeteria:
Koimeteria Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
I understand that. Personal goals are important, but honestly you don't need front page status to prove you're a good poet, 'cause you really are. I understand your attitude about the front page better the way you said it here, as opposed to the artist's comments section. Maybe you should change that a bit? :)
Reply
:iconthemagicalpinata:
themagicalpinata Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
I normally don't read the poems, but this one caught my attention. Great job
Reply
:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I think moths kind of belong to the butterflies. But I mostly prefer butterflies over moths xD
I really like your poem, hard to tell why the moth flies into the flame. I mostly see them flying around like they are crazy and hyperactive.
Reply
:iconxxspiritualartistxx:
xXSpiritualArtistXx Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, I really like this!

I hate moths a lot (and any other furry bug, ew), so I can only hope that it would come back as a butterfly.

The last three lines are my favorite part.
Reply
:iconleftalive:
LeftAlive Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Student Digital Artist
This is a nice poem, But I believe that moths are beautiful. 
Reply
:icontlafan2:
TLAFan2 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Student Digital Artist
This is really amazing. For the most part I simply thought it sounded nice, pretty almost a bit optimistic, However, as I got closer and closer to the end I just started to feel worst and worst, it left me saddened. Good Work. 
Reply
:iconwillowbarkrc:
Willowbarkrc Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014
Simply beautiful
Reply
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Submitted on
January 17, 2014
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