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He envelops himself
in covers and darkness
lest he see the nightmares
he fears
lest he see the nightmares 
he hears.
He tells me
in pained whisper
of the hate 
discarded angels sing 
from his walls
how god damns
the souls of those 
so irreparably broken as him.
I try  fashion my love 
into a weapon that could
smite even those which god
could only nail to his walls
but my weapon is wasted
For these enemies are ones 
I'll never see.
He tells me
in weakened screams
of the love
wretched demons
whisper from darkened corners
with false faces and intentions
how only they can protect him
how he must die 
so he can be free of this burden
And though I use my love to scream
deafening hope to cloud such
cruel thoughts
I know he still hears them
still believes them.
My brother's room holds 
both heaven and hell
so he lost
all care for life
and though I try to protect
from nightmares I cannot see
I know that one day
he will leave me.
Pretty self explanatory. Hope everyone enjoys

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:iconmishka069:
Mishka069 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014
Such deep, deep emotions.... almost enoght to reduce one to tears... :'-)
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:iconmendicantofice:
MendicantofIce Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014
This hits pretty hard and very close to home. Provokes a lot of emotion, and it reminds me a lot of the other poem I commented on "There's a devil in my bottle". They go together pretty well, actually. This is excellently written and is easy to relate to, as someone with a mental illness and as someone with very close friends / family members with mental illnesses. There's all the love and worry and compassion of a sibling struggling to keep their loved one alive, and there's also the depressing admission that it is something bigger than they are and all they can do is be there for them.

Very well done. 
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014
Thank you, i'm glad the piece's emotional force transferred so easily XD
Reply
:iconprojecthypocrisy:
ProjectHYPOCRISY Featured By Owner May 6, 2014
This is incredibly gorgeous. No wonder it's sparking some controversy. 
Reply
:iconsolvaig:
Solvaig Featured By Owner May 5, 2014
That is a breath-taking piece of poetry. Really good.
Reply
:iconsilidons00:
Silidons00 Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I listened to the demons once...
Never again, never again.
Reply
:iconjingleskitty:
JinglesKitty Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If it'll make you feel any better I love this piece and believe it is extremely meaningful
 and your work makes me feel like someone understands me. (I know other ppl do but when a stranger does it's just as important)
Reply
:iconkyotophoenix:
KyotoPhoenix Featured By Owner May 4, 2014
Whoa...

While I don't have siblings who are mentally ill, it's me who's the mentally ill one. I wonder what it's like for them, having an older sister who every so often needs to be taken care of, rather than the other way around.
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner May 4, 2014
Well I'm sorry for your struggle. Did the piece create something (i don't know) similar to your experience? I myself don't have a mentally ill sibling however my best friend does. He's a schizo and  one time he tried to explain one of his ... nightmares (for lack of a more sympathetic word) and this was more what I took from it.
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:iconkyotophoenix:
KyotoPhoenix Featured By Owner May 5, 2014
Not something similar, but it made me wonder how my anxiety attacks must look from my siblings' points of view.
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner May 5, 2014
hmmm well i suppose thats just as good. glad you enjoyed the piece
Reply
:iconkyotophoenix:
KyotoPhoenix Featured By Owner May 5, 2014
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconanticodac:
anticodac Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
An absolutely fantastic poem. I love the imagery used to explain what it's like not only for the brother, but the narrator as well. Great Job. 
Reply
:iconcatbastet70:
CatBastet70 Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Professional General Artist
<3
Reply
:icongosaku:
Gosaku Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hope is left to your non-involvement, I suppose. What a massive oxymoron this world has in its right and wrong. The supreme manipulation, and, oh, how you do it so well, Sir Hate. I spit on thee, as you are, for now, under my feet in this manner that's been spoken on.
Reply
:iconrhysalaska:
rhysalaska Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Student General Artist
i'm completely breathless. somehow with this poem you have managed to summarize what it's like to love a mentally ill sibling in way that is beautiful and terrifying at the same time- quite like the experience itself. in my case my oldest sister was bipolar and skitzo effective. i've never read anything that has hit so close to home as this does
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner May 4, 2014
Well I'm sorry for the struggle but you and your sister have to go through and I'm happy that this piece was successfully able to summarize the experience and that you were able to enjoy the piece.
Reply
:iconkohakujsma:
KohakuJSMA Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
WONDERFUL. :iconcryingplz: MWAH. :heart:
Reply
:iconcat3o4:
Cat3o4 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are a beautiful poet and i hope your brother's room stops being such a douche.
My prayers and deepest wishing are with you, I hope he stays.
Reply
:iconwaywardseal:
waywardseal Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
Oops, brother*
Reply
:iconwaywardseal:
waywardseal Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
As always, your writing is so poignant. I love the way that you express yourself!
I hope you broker gets better :)
Reply
:iconbrociff:
brociff Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sounds a lot like my room
Reply
:iconblackgoddess13:
BlackGoddess13 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
This is just like my brother.
Reply
:iconaluinrenard:
AluinRenard Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
My room is just like your brother's. 
Reply
:iconradiantfrenetic:
radiantfrenetic Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
nodding head,yes.
Reply
:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist
I am absolutely blown away... this is probably the most beautiful way in which you could have explained this situation.
Reply
:iconlurainashadraco:
LurainaShadraco Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Holy angels do not whisper hate, and you should not resign yourself to him leaving you (indicated as him killing himself).

I do not know what, exactly your brother is going through, as you did not indicated this in the poem, or why he seems to feel this way.  However, I get the feeling that the basis for his feeling this way is more internal.  You state that angels condemn him and demons welcome him, which would indicate that he believes something he is doing has resigned himself to this fate, and he has convinced himself that he has lost God's eternal love because of it, but that is not true, and never is.

Is he homosexual and blames himself?  Is he self-hating and depressed in a world that loves evil?

Whatever it may be, please do not give up on him and accept his suicide as eminent.  Please, let me talk to him.  I have gone through very dark times in my life and endured many things.  I have found that I have been blessed to be able to relate and help most people.  If I can talk to him, I may be able to help him hear you and the words of the angels who have only Love for him, comfort, blessings, hope.

May the Lord bless you and your brother.
Reply
:iconfreefall127:
freefall127 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
when the walls are talking to you, especially if they're saying things like that, medical professionals typically call it schizophrenia and the treatments they offer work for some people.  they don't work for everybody, and medical professionals are notably hesitant to try the drugs they prescribe.  it's hard to sort out the hallucinations from mood problems, but some people manage to get to a better place emotionally and find the veil is a little thicker this side of some sleep and a decent meal.  i don't know if there are support groups or anything, but tell your brother he's not the only one.  some of us survive. 
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:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist
I get what you're trying to say here, and I realize to you it seems like it's the right thing to say, but turning to religion all the time for everything isn't always the best thing... besides, everyone has a different definition of angels and demons.
Reply
:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
BLAH, who says you're right, huh? That's a little disrespectful to suggest, "turning to religion all the time for everything isn't always best," uhhh, those who are "religious"  aren't going to turn to religion, they're going to turn to who they believe is God (who they believe is all-powerful) through their religion!

Honestly, for all that people complain about how much religious people shove God and religion down their throats, don't you think it's just as disrespectful to knock someone's faith down by suggesting religion doesn't work across the board? I mean, this girl was nicely suggesting something that would *help* the author. She was positive, why u gotta be so negative? Why you gotta knock her down, and not just respectfully suggest to the author something better than God (according to you)? RESPECT
Reply
:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist
Can you please chill the fuck down? I was making a calm statement... I mean what if the person who's in need of help doesn't believe in God? I'm not saying that's the case, but if you're trying to help someone and you don't know if they're religious or not, giving religious advice can make them feel worse.
Reply
:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Can you please shut the fuck up in the first place? As if your opinion mattered at all in a situation where she was trying to help. It was between the commenter and the poet, that was my point. That's what I was calling you out on, bitch. People like you have no idea how to even talk to people who have faith and believe that God can work miracles and inspire people. If you knew anything at all, you'd realize most people interpret "turn to God" as "have faith that the inspiration will come," and things along that line but you must live an empty life where you don't have nice people saying things like that. So you obviously don't understand.

Now, go away, this whole thing with you is so stupid and has nothing to do with the poem. I proved you wrong. I shouldn't have even engaged with someone as horrible and vulgar as you. There's really no more argument.
Reply
:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist
I was raised in a strongly Orthodox Christian family. The fact that you are calling me a bitch is immature and unnecessary. I would be angry, but I figure it's best to just feel sorry for your inability to think rationally and engage in a mature conversation or prove a point without resorting to name-calling. So yeah, I used to be Christian, I understand what people are talking about when they have these long discussions about turning to God and having faith. Unfortunately, in my case, turning to God did more harm than good because however hard I prayed and promised to be good, all he did was let the world around be shatter and disintegrate. And the moment I stopped praying and stopped wearing my cross and began fixing my own problems--as in the moment I gave up on God--was the moment when my life started getting better again.
Now, if you can say that I had no right to butt in because it was between the commenter and the poet, then can't I also say you had no right to talk to me because it was between me and the commenter? Seriously... why do you think there's a "reply" button?
Also, what makes you think you have the right to tell me my opinion doesn't matter? Hmm?
Reply
:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yooooou were the one to say, "chill the fuck out," and girl if you know anything at all about respect that is a total insult to me, and it sets the standard that if I deem you worthy enough to respond I can be just as insulting. You know something, though? your comments reek of someone who doesn't understand concepts of dignity and respect, so you probably don't even know what kind of "standards" I'm talking about. It's really no wonder you have no reverence for the God of your family, and that you think you're solving your problems on your own... it sounds to me like you have a lot of problems you can't solve, like staying out of people's business when no one asked u. BITCH
Reply
:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist
I said "fuck", it was not directed at you.

I have a right to choose what god I do or do not believe in, otherwise it's a waste of time and it's dishonest to pretend you love a god you don't actually want in your life. My family knows that I am no longer a Christian and I have their acceptance. As for my standards, I treat people with the amount of respect they deserve according to the way they behave towards me. I have not called you a bitch, even though you called me one, because that would mean I'm sinking to your level. I'm keeping my cool and trying to set a good example... keeping in mind that I am 16 (not 18 as my profile says) and you're... 25? Honestly... all I meant by my reply to that comment was that instead of trying to turn someone towards God, which can be very difficult in times of emotional distress, it would be better to turn them towards something or someone more tangible, purely because if you're hurting really badly, it's best to have an actual person there for you, not a God who, though he may be real (and I'm not saying he isn't), is not actually VISIBLE in any way.
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(1 Reply)
:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't know how to respond to this without offending you. So here it goes. I'll try.

What you said was hypocritical and confusing. Your god is part of your religion, end of story, you turn to your god, you turn to your religion, done.
Telling them "May the Lord bless you and your brother." was right to her, but may have made the author uncomfortable if they were un-religious. You have to respect all beliefs. But that's not the thing, that's perfectly fine to me.

What is the worst part of her comment is how she was saying how great and loving angels were.  I'm pretty sure, that angels "mingled" with the humans even though god said not to, the evil, killing, wrong doing humans.  It was un-pure of them, especially at that time when humans were so morally lacking. They disobeyed god, doesn't that make them a bit rebellious, a bit bad? (right before the earth was flooded/ Noah's Arc, if I'm correct)

Also, I'm pretty sure there was a part in the bible where an angel appeared and the man was very scared of it.  Who knows HOW angels were.  There are many stories and myths of evil or scary angels, fallen angels, after all, i'm pretty sure 'satan' was a fallen angel. Maybe I'm mixing my religion with folk tale but, that's what I heard.

So every one has a different view of angels, bad or good.  That was the point of the comment, I think. They weren't being disrespectful. I'm not trying to be disrespectful. And if angels can be bad, why can't demons be good?
Another way the angel vs. demon part of this could have been interpreted is, maybe he was confused as to what was right and wrong.  All the good seemed equally as bad as the bad and vise versa.  Bad things seemed good compared to good things that were made bad by bad people.  Just like religion sometimes is.  It can be good, helpful, healing, unless used by the wrong person.

So I think Luraina was just misunderstanding, and neither hers, nor never-going-back's was all that disrespectful. I tried my best to not be very offensive.  But you are all misunderstanding each other, and you took it a leap further.
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:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks for defending me... I'm a little irritated with the conversation I'm having with her right now x_x
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:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your welcome ;u; I ended our conversation quick, being really angered by her >.> After I had tried my best to be nice and explanatory. She's a bit unbelievable, and, as low as a 'troll'.  Hope she doesn't give you too much trouble.
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:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
girl, I ended our conversation, not you lol
Reply
:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*continues conversation months later* haha sure xD 
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:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist
I don't really back down from arguments, it's a pride thing. Unfortunately you can't always argue with stupid people because they never see your point.
Reply
:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
this is very true.

"So, as I said about my first poem that I submitted, Chasing Morning, I don't know about poetry at all. I like poetry, I read poetry, I can recite, like, two poems, and I write poems. However, I do it just for fun, therefore I don't know what the hell a villanelle is supposed to be or anything like that. Call me stupid, I honestly don't care. So, anyways, for anyone who reads this, this is what I am going to do--if it rhymes I'll put it into the category of "traditional fixed forms" and if it doesn't rhyme I'll put it in "free verse". Everyone happy with that? Honestly... why can't they just ask for the theme and stop there? Why must they know what type of poem it is? That is of no consequence! Bugs... I shall never understand."

stupid.
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(2 Replies)
:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ah, I'm more peace over pride person myself.  But that's mostly because I've learned sometimes its best to back down because of how stubborn and narrow-minded a lot of people have gotten.
Reply
:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Girl, you lost me at "Your god is part of your religion, end of story, you turn to your god, you turn to your religion, done." That is such bad logic, and if you'd like me to explain how I will. But, I get this feeling that you don't. Especially since I ignored your comment based on your skewed thinking lol...
Reply
:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow...just...wow....haha.........ok, night, have fun pissing more people off.  At least I tried to be nice, not just disgraceful and disrespectful. You lack some common moral here. I'm done.

YES I UNDERSTAND THIS IS RUDE, IM TIRED.  I JUST TRIED TO EXPLAIN A MISUNDERSTANDING AS NICELY AS I COULD.  I TRIED TO GIVE A NEW POINT OF VIEW. But no, my thinking is skewed...you got that off of one remark. One, small, TRUE, remark.  Wow. I'm baffled.  You have the right to judge me off of the one remark you read.  Please, if you care to gain back what small amount of respect for you and your rights I had.  Have respect for me, hear me out before you judge me.  READ MY WHOLE COMMENT BEFORE YOU REMARK ON MY ONE LITTLE PHRASE.

You see here. For each religious person, their god is more than just their practices, I get that. To them, its not the same, I understand.  But in a religious comparison to other beliefs, your god is part of your religion. You believe in your god, you call him God. One religion will call their god Alah, one will call one Amaterasu. I don't care what you call it, its part of your religion in a conversation such as this. In your church, they are more, in your house, they are more.  But to others, your god goes under the category of the religion fashioned after that god. See what I meant by "end of story". Jeez, so judging.
I thought that your religion was to accept all people no matter what they believe and to love them as your neighbor.  To never judge them and always be kind.

I'm sorry, no, I don't want you to explain.  Because now I have been rudely ignored and thus, choose to ignore you too.  Your thoughts are no more important to me as mine were to you.  But I'm better than that, you still deserve to think what you want, if I wasn't so ridiculed, I might actually be interested in what you had to say. And I may forgive you. That doesn't mean I'm not deeply disappointed.
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:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Girl, relax. it's the Internet ;) everyone sounds rude on the Internet. that's why I invited you to PM back and forth (I was being serious!). I'd have read the rest of your comment after clearing things up, chiiiill... we're strangers, you don't know me, you can't possibly make all those accusations about me. you don't know me. but it's cool, I understand. hope you get some rest.
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:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*sigh* ._. well
um...chilled. Oh well.  This is pointless anyways, I'll admit.  Goodnight.
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(1 Reply)
:iconcarmencaracol:
carmencaracol Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
But if you'd like, we can PM, because I don't want to clog up this girl's poem anymore. Totally up to you.
Reply
:icondead-rotten-bitch:
dead-rotten-bitch Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer

It's her own opinion though. Sharing it doesn't mean she's forcing it on anybody. Telling the other person that they're stupid and naïve for believing in a higher power, that is forcing her opinion. And it's also what most people mistakenly associate with the "stereotypical" religious person, unfortunately.

And if she's dealing with a possibly schizophrenic individual (which is how I interpreted this piece), then no, religion alone is not going to resolve the situation. And I'm not siding against the other person, because I don't think they were forcing their opinion either.

Could she have handled her own response more appropriately? Absolutely… But you can't just assume that she replied with the specific intention of "shoving her belief down someone's throat".

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